Ava:I feel like the vibe of The Hermit is very much, like, I know there's this energy I'm looking for, but I'm not quite sure how it actually looks, so I'm gonna follow what I know and trust that process.
[Music]: Don't fear the mystery. Don't fear the mystery. Don't fear the mystery. Don't fear the mystery. Mystery. Mystery.
[Jasper]: Hey, queer witches. My name is Jasper Joy. I am a neuroqueer poet, tarot professional, and Buddhist witch. My pronouns are they and he.
[Ava]: And this is Ava Raven. My pronouns are they, he, and she, and I'm an artist, channel, and spiritual realmist, who pulls from the experience of gender fluidity and neuro divergence.
Within Queer Conjure We flow with the rhythm of change, go against the grain of capitalism, and root down into animistic connection.
[Jasper]: Listeners can expect interviews, deep dives into our passions and intuitions, witchy practices, and more. To stay up to date with all of the magical connections we have to offer, click the Substack link in our shownotes.
[Ava]: Before we begin, a content notification. We are going to be sharing a wide spectrum of experiences, ranging from community pleasure and personal joy, to structural harm and interpersonal suffering. We are embracing the shadows as well as the light.
We will include specific trigger warnings in the episode descriptions for the heavier topics.
[Jasper]: So get your cauldron, baby, cause here we go.
[Ava]: Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do
Jasper: How are you doing today?
Ava: I'm doing pretty well. I've got minor sniffles. And a sexy, sick voice. But other than that, I'm doing super well.
Jasper: Sexy, sick voice. That kind of sultry, gravelly. You sound good in my opinion.
Ah. Yeah, I just want to state for the record that the last couple times we've recorded, it's been so annoying. We've run into so many problems and we're just going to keep going, doing the best we can, roll with it. What are we talking about today Ava?
Ava: Yeah, we are talking about the fact that this year is The Hermit year.
Along with those frustrations that we are rolling with, we tried to like release this in January, but now we're recording in February. So hopefully we can release it soon.
All that to say is because every year on the Gregorian calendar, there's an associated tarot card with that year. In which you add up the numbers in the year, so 2, 0, 2, 0, 2, and 5 which is 9, which means that this year is The Hermit year. So we're going to talk about what it means to be in The Hermit year, how that relates to the previous year being The Strength year, what our personal years have to do with it and how we reflect upon like The Strength year related to our personal years and anything else that our friends think would be fun to talk about as we go.
Jasper: Following the flow of neurodivergence.
Ava: I definitely saw the world themes of The Strength card, like, super strong throughout the year last year and I'm definitely seeing Hermit this year. It's interesting to see the intricacies of your personal life as it relates to your personal card, because I do think that they kind of fold up on top of each other meaning the way that I would perceive The Wheel of Fortune in a reading is not necessarily how I felt like last year went. But I do feel like if I pulled Strength and Wheel of Fortune together, I would, I think that aligns with how last year felt.
That kind of being an internal process of like watching the cycle of my emotions and like really studying that internalized perspective. Yeah.
Jasper: Yeah. You know, last year, my personal card, so last year was Strength and my personal card was Judgment.
And it's funny because looking back through my journals, I realized that I didn't even look at my personal year last year. I never calculated it. I never worked with it. And like, I find it funny that I had this like unconscious mental block around my personal card, which was Judgment. (Laughter.)
And I'll get into a little bit more of that probably down the, down the line in this episode, if our brains take us that way. So this year, my year is The World which is the last card in the major arcana tarot cycle. And because it's The World, which is 21, two plus one equals three. So that is my shadow card.
And yeah, and I mentioned this on the tarot profile worksheet that we created for Unfurling Tarot is that I, you, when we created the tarot profile, I used the book Tarot for Yourself by Mary K. Greer. But there's a lot of things that I changed. So like, if people are listening to this and they're like, Jasper does not know what they're talking about. They are doing this incorrectly. I have my reasons.
Like there, there were reasons that I decided to queer it, subvert it, change it so that it works for me. Which I'm not going to explain right now because that's a whole other podcast stuff but yeah, my year of The World. And my teacher card is The Empress. And that feels really good for a lot of reasons. And one of them being that is my soul card. My tarot soul card is The Lovers.
And when I look through like the overarching theme of lessons in my life, because that's what your soul card does, looks at. I realized that the deepest life lessons I've had in my life so far have been through one on one relationships, like interconnected dynamics. So that feels very true for The Lovers.
And so when I have a year card, I also see how it associates with my soul card. Which very perfectly illustrates how last year went for me. Yeah, I guess from here, before I get really in depth about I don't know, what do you think, should I go on to like what I said in my notes or should we talk about our resolutions?
Ava: Let's, let's do a quick little stop at resolutions. Chat about things. And then go to that.
Jasper: Yeah. So, taking into account that it's the year of The Hermit, and my year card is The World, my shadow card, my teacher card is The Empress. I made resolutions, like, my primary relationship is with myself. And I'm on this healing journey right now that my first step is practicing becoming trustworthy to myself. And doing some repair in that, in the internal relationships I have with my parts, since, like, I have some repair work to do around being trustworthy to myself so that I can actually trust myself. So my primary relationship is with myself. That's the first resolution.
And I'm looking for financial stability. Yeah, I've had a lot of financial insecurity over the past three years. And it being The Empress, which that's very much an abundance card, I want to call that energy in. Also The World being a liberatory card.
And we also want Queer Conjure to become, like, our paying job so we don't have to work extra jobs. And that means that, yeah, yeah! And another theme with The World is to have fun traveling and adventures. I do a lot of traveling.. for work. I do a lot of five hour road trips for work and that's not fun. I want fun travel and adventures. And then coming back to, I want to deepen my relationship, my intimate relationship with nature.
Ava: Real, real. Yeah. Yeah, if that wasn't a plug to become a paid subscriber to our Substack, I don't know what is.
Jasper: Help us manifest our resolutions, please.
Ava: Yeah, I think what resonated the most out of the things that you said was how you're talking about developing trust within yourself. And I think that that really connects to my resolution.
My resolution was to love more deeply. I was like really reflecting at the end of last year how I will kind of shy away from connecting out of the fear of like the inevitable end of the connection.
I believe my soul card is Judgment. And… I think that really still, either that's my soul card or that's just a card that I relate to a lot as a Virgo because I think that Judgment and discernment like is a very Virgo energy of like. But we can very much have a shadowy, by the way, if you're new here, like, almost all of my chart is Virgo, so I talk about that a lot.
But, we, the shadowy side of Virgo can be that we kind of have, like a, like a holier than thou sense of ourselves. Like we just think we have the best decision making abilities. That's a conflict I run into all the time within myself not that I think that I'm better, but just that, like, I catch myself calling something good or bad, and I think that all of us do this you know. Like, just thinking something is inherently good or bad, and kind of needing to take a step back and be like, where did that belief come from. Why do I think that way, is it, like, my discernment of being like, this is for me, this isn't for me, or is it me being like, using other outside beliefs to create that understanding.
And I think that that like mindset has like that black and white thinking, which is also like related to autism which I am autistic. But that black and white thinking has made it so that in my head, I'm like… maybe it's just not even worth it to make new connections because eventually they'll hurt or be in pain. Like, you know, like I'm trying to like calculate all the possible outcomes and see the patterns and make the choices ahead of time so that I don't have a certain outcome. But that's not fun and that's not why we're alive.
And what I kind of realized coming out of The Strength year and having gone through that wheel internally was how like how you, to create a like hold on. How do I want to say this?
I think that like, in order to enjoy my life, I want to, like, allow myself to feel the joy wholly without stopping it from happening out of the fear of the eventual pain. And that takes acknowledging that the pain will come eventually, and like, that's part of existing, and those two things go hand in hand. And even if it's not, like, you know, obviously I don't need to have the mindset or the story that like, oh, all my, like, whatever, like, story, like, all these things end in my life and it's a terrible, tragic way, or whatever.
Not that that's been my experience, but I've just had a few major experiences that I'm sure we can all relate to. When you've had, like, one bad ending to something, your brain's like, and that's all of it. And that's all the ending.
But, yeah. But to realize that, like, like, even, even the fact that we all die eventually, you know, there's always going to be an end, there's not going to be, there's not an infinity in this body you know, maybe there's an infinity in soul. I cannot speak to that, I'm not omnipotent but, yeah, so allowing myself to just love deeply and not prevent that from the fear of the eventual end, and, you know. I think that that requires the same kind of thing you were talking about with the trust within yourself.
A way that I've been looking at it a lot recently coming off of The Strength year is as it relates to innocence versus naivety, being naive because I would often look back at like, ending things that didn't go the way that I planned, or that I would hope for. And we should have been able to predict this ahead of time and avoid this happening. And like my mind wants to go back and find the exact moment where I should have known better so that I can be hypervigilant in the future.
To not like kind of punish yourself for not knowing. But instead have a sense of innocence and that be something that you value. I think like something that keeps sticking with me, it's kind of a funny pop culture reference, but I watched the interview with Lizzo and Kiki Palmer.
She was, Lizzo, was talking about the allegations against her. And I find it interesting to study people, like, what the responses are to allegations of abuse, because I think that it tells a lot about a person. And it's interesting to compare and contrast those things. I really like to study the brain and how we talk about things.
But one point Lizzo said, like, you know, like, she felt that she was so taken off guard and that a piece of her innocence has now died. And what kind of struck me about that was like, dang, you're really giving the power of this beautiful thing of like innocence, like this purity, like this perspective on life, like this childlike perspective on life. And you're letting that be killed by somebody else's hands.
And I realized that I've done the same thing so many times, and so many of us have, and we believe that's a part of growing. And that like it makes us, like it's an inevitability that we must let this part of ourselves die in order to survive and I refuse to believe that and so my resolution is like based in loving wholly and allowing that this is a childlike form of love and not equating that to not being able to predict acts of harm. Yeah.
Jasper: There's so many things you just said that I want to respond to, but I think if I have to pick one. You mentioned this tendency to like, if there's one negative thing that happens, your brain applies that to like, that always happens.
And like having that be a neurodivergence thing reminded me of my kid, Phoenix is autistic. And one day they came home really upset. They're like, I don't want to go to school anymore. Everyone at school loves Trump. And I was like, really? Well, tell me what happened. And I had to ask like a thousand questions before I realized that one kid at school said “I would vote for Trump,” and that just became like the whole school liked Trump. And it takes so much energy because I do very similar things and it takes me a lot of energy to like dial it back and see what happened, like, you know, what actually happened versus what my brain interpreted.
Ava: Yeah, yeah, 100%. It's like, part of our survival mechanisms to identify the like, potential danger and try our hardest to prevent it at all costs. And so our brain goes, oh, danger, danger, danger, it's everywhere, it's everywhere when it is just one little flag. And I do think that's a great representation of, like, US political system in general, like, and like politicians in general, it's like, it, it is really easy to feed off of that psychological mechanism. And then you're so much easier to control when you're in a state of fear. And I think that's a great representation of how we all are right now. Shouts out Phoenix.
Jasper: Yeah, exactly. Do you have anything else you wanted to say about your resolutions for this year?
Ava: I think the one other thing that I wrote is that in my notes, it just says toes in mud.
I was talking to my friend about my resolution as the new year was approaching, and she was like, Oh, I really want to go outside more. And I was like, yeah, I need to like, look at worms and hold crickets again, like I did as a kid. Like, I need to not just like go on a walk, or like, be outside but like, hang out with the bugs like I did as a child. Cause I think I was like also very much bullied out of that. And I want to return to that practice.
Jasper: Oh, I love that. There's something so deeply nourishing about going back to the thing that brought you joy as a child that was then socialized out of you. Like, I think that's a very important part of magic in general, and also as a neurodivergent witch unmasking in ways that bring you closer to Source.
Ava: I think I, like, really, really understood what I was saying about reconnecting with that innocence and that, like, child self. And yeah, reconnecting to, like, what brought you joy as a kid and what was socialized out of you.
It feels like, well, one, I think that's a huge Hermit vibe because something that I wanted to talk about at some point was that, like, The Hermit is in search of The Star in tarot. And I often look at the imagery of the traditional Hermit, like Pamela Coleman Smith's illustration of, there's like a hooded figure, and they're like tall, and like very straight backed and like looking down at either their toes. Like, I would perceive it as they're looking down at the lamp in their hand, and I always thought of it as, like, the lamp is like an illusion or like a sensation of what The Star might look like, and it's like the I feel like the vibe of The Hermit is very much, like, I know there's this energy I'm looking for, but I'm not quite sure how it actually looks, so I'm gonna follow what I know and trust that process.
Yeah, and I feel like that's, like, with my resolution of kind of reconnecting to that innocence, it's like, okay. I'm going to start with what I know. Like, I know as a little kid, if you wanted to find me anywhere, it'd be wherever the bugs are hanging out. So I gotta go to wherever the bugs hang out and that's the first step. I didn't know what the next step is, but I know that that's the first step.
Jasper: Yeah, exactly. And I mean, sometimes you don't know what the second step is until you take the first step. And that's really important for me to remember because with the way anxiety shows up in my life, before I do the first step, I want to have planned ahead to the 15th step. Because like being prepared, preparation, being proactive is very much a protective quality of myself. But it's not actually being in alignment with like, my true self who wants to be in the present moment.
Ava: Yeah, yeah. In order to align with, like, the reality of the fact that time is not linear, and, like, that is an illusion. It makes us, our brain feel comfortable, and sometimes it's nice to have those plans in order to, like, allow our brain to feel comfortable enough to make decisions in the present. But yeah, there's times where it can keep us in analysis paralysis installed.
Jasper: Oh, oof. Okay, I'm going to pause because I'm realizing that I want to go down this whole nerdy rabbit hole about the linear structure of the major arcana. But I'm not going to do that right now.
Ava: Join our tarot classes.
Jasper: Yeah, join our tarot classes, upcoming. Well, my resolutions for, you know, The Hermit, The World, The Empress, and also like my over, my overall theme of my life being The Lovers. So I mentioned this thing of like becoming trustworthy to myself.
My therapist said this amazing thing to me, which is secure attachment is earned when one's trust is met with trustworthiness.
Ava: Can you repeat that?
Jasper: Yeah. Secure attachment is earned when one's trust is met with trustworthiness.
Ava: So juicy.
Jasper: Yeah. Yeah. And that gets into like me learning really deep lessons about myself through my interpersonal relationships.
Yeah, I, I have a lot I want to say about The Hermit year, but I'm gonna pause and like review my Strength year a little bit, or the strength year a little bit. So my Strength year also being my Judgment year which would have also made it my High Priestess year.
You and I are like really close in all of those things. (Yeah, yeah.) Yeah. So season two, episode four, we did our Strength episode last year. And we met, we talked about how we began to follow the boycott, divest, sanction movement because we are pro Palestine and anti war in general. Anti genocide, very much so.
So the, the website we were using, Wix, is very, very, very enmeshed with the Israeli military. So we left that, went to Substack our theme was practicing compassion. We talked about how magic wants what is best for us because it is us.
Last year with Strength and Judgment that showed up in lots of micro and macro ways in my life.
So in midsummer, I changed my job very much for the better. And I feel like this new job that I have other than Queer Conjure has. It has plugged me into the center of supporting my local community in a time that like, everybody's freaking the fuck out for a very good reason.
And then, yeah, so I also experienced what I am now calling my rock bottom relationship. Where I very much like, betrayed my own trust with myself with this relationship and I've been spending a lot of time thinking like was this relationship emotionally abusive? Was it just toxic? Like did this person manipulate me intentionally?I've been trying to figure out, like, what the fuck happened.
But basically what it came down to was like, it doesn't actually matter the specifics of what happened. What, what I really need to focus on is the impact and the impact is that like, I'm deeply traumatized from this relationship. Yeah. So that's why, like becoming trustworthy to myself again, feels so important.
And like building, focusing on earned secure attachment rather than like, if I'm with somebody and all of a sudden all of my anxious attachment stuff starts coming up. Like, instead of me being like, I need to work on my attachment style, be like, maybe I'm so anxious right now because I my hope for what this relationship can be is moving faster than this person can earn my trust, you know?
And another element of me breaking my own trust is that I was looking through my tarot journal and I realized that the very first, the very first card I ever pulled for this person when I asked, like, “Should we be in a relationship?” Was the fucking Tower. I'm like, yeah, for fuck's sake.
And in the, in the deck that I was using at the time, I wrote down a quote from the little book that comes from it. “Liberated from false castles, but not gently. This rocks the foundation of what you thought was true. If we cannot free ourselves peacefully, then the forces of life will arrange an explosion.”
So like… my tarot cards very much be having like an I told you so moment. You know yeah. So coming into The World and The Hermit and The Empress with being a Lover I, I can't create any kind of change for the better in the, in the expanded way. Unless like, I, I fix that wound. I not only created it myself, but like brought somebody in who just fucking devastated me.
Especially since we practiced lots and lots of magic together, you know? So that always, that comes into like the foundation of who I am as a Buddhist witch. So practicing so much magic with somebody who was so untrustworthy.
Yeah, there's a lot to, there's a lot to repair for me this year in my, in my core self. Yeah, and I want to come back to my notes really quick.
So I'm calling this my rock bottom relationship. And this is where Judgment really showed up for me in really big ways. So I'm having this awakening to my own resiliency and belonging. And this is like an integration of all the lessons similar to what past relationships were trying to teach me.
The reason we have a soul card is because there's this overarching life lesson, like the lesson we're here in this present moment to learn. And like, if we keep ignoring that, if we don't become aware of that, like, we'll get pushed further and further and further until there's nowhere to go but up. Like, you can lie there and compost, or you can get up.
Ava: Yeah, I do want to like, so many things you said really were so like, one, so beautifully said, but two, like, so interesting to me. One, I think just like the concept of like secure attachment as like something that is earned is just so juicy and delicious because I think that oftentimes we see secure attachment as like, like, you know, I think that you like touched on this too, like this, like, healing that needs to be done on this, like, place I need to reach this, this change I need to accomplish, but it's also like, it's a, it's something that's built between people and it's not like, “oh, I'm a secure person.” Like, I don't, you know, like, it's like with each person, there's going to be a different, like, how you said that your trustworthiness is met by, or like, your trust is met with an earned trustworthiness, like, yeah, I don't know if I said that the way that you said it.
But I just love that visual of like, it's constantly decided in each moment, because I think that often we see like, anxious and avoidant and people are like, kind of doomed to their role unless they change. But I loved that that perspective really, like, helps see that it's like something that you constantly re like, I'm like, for audio listeners, I'm like, touching my fingers together, like you constantly re Ignite and re, like you check in on it. And I love that concept when it comes to relationships, because I think that, like, back to, like, the way that I perceive reality, with the black and white thinking, it's so easy for me to be like, is this already, is this going to be a good relationship or a bad one, you know, and it's like, that's not how relationships work.
Like, we're constantly, like, yeah, meeting each other at a different comfortable edge and growing together. And I think you also said something about, like, needing to… heal this part of you that was that felt this huge betrayal. And I thought it was interesting that it's like, like, yeah, healing, you know, one part of it, but also like listening to that part. Asking them what they think and knowing that it doesn't, obviously the hurt parts of you aren't going to have the best answers because they're still in that place.
But like, knowing that being kind to yourself is like listening to them anyway, and not being like, I know this is the absolute truth, but like, being like, hey, this hurt part of me feels this way, so I need to like, listen to them, because it's my hurt part of myself. It's like the, I was thinking about this. Like, you gotta listen to that part of you that's still hurt. Even if you're with somebody who is technically great and is meeting you at a place that you want to be met at, it's like, actually this hurt part of me still isn't feeling great yet.
So like, I have to listen to them. I gotta, I gotta, I gotta support that part of me. Yeah, it's the thing that. I wanted to talk about that reminded me of was how I feel like moving from The Strength year to The Hermit year feels a lot like developing the skills to reimagine what it is to lead and connect through The Strength year. Like, we developed these skills to… not be, instead of being like a follow the leader mentality, like, instead of being like, I make things happen because I'm big, strong, I, I am king, I have gold instead of being that, it's being like, oh, I’m intouch with my heart so I can connect to you, and then people happen to want to follow that, and I think that that skill then applied to The Hermit year feels like taking like, instead of us being kind of herd mentality creatures, understanding individualism in a healthy way, that's not, you know, like the individualism that we're used to through capitalism. Which is like, very much like, I only take care of myself, my strength and my compassion, and I know that each of us individually have that same strength and compassion. Then we, together, as links on a chain are so much stronger than all of us following one person, or being under the belief that electing one good person is what's going to be the thing that helps and changes everything finally, and that we're never going to have a bad person again, because if we just elected that one good guy, they'll never be bad guys.
Instead, it's like, we have to be the good guy for ourself, and realize that all of us, can then connect once we're in that space and we've healed and we've like healed for ourself, you know, like yeah.
Jasper: So when whenever I do an in person beginners tarot class and people learn for the first time what their soul card is. Whenever somebody gets The Hermit, they're like, oh yeah, that makes sense. Because they're thinking of The Hermit as like, reclusive, isolated, you know, like, that kind of vibe. Cause it's like, it's a pretty bleak looking card at, at first.
Because it's like, one person, like you said, very rigid, looking down, and there's just like. Yeah, in the Pamela Coleman Smith art, there's nothing in the background, you know, it's just like yea, I feel a little sad that that is what people immediately think when they get The Hermit for their soul card, because the soul card is very much about, like you said, finding The Star, but The Star isn't like an out there place, right?
Like, the reason The Hermit is Is turning inwards in order to find The Star because that's where, that's where refuge and healing and integration happen, you know, and that's what The Star is all about.
And I think about how, how did we get here? How did we get to this place where like people like Musk and not, not, what's his name? Netanyahu and Trump and Putin, they're all like back there having a party together, you know, destroying everything. And how did we get here? It's because we've decided that The Star is out there. The Star is something we have to acquire. We don't know how to turn inwards anymore and trust ourselves anymore. And you know, cause we're not, if we're not connected with The Star inside, then nothing's going to change because we'll continue to look for this external holy grail, you know.
So like everything that's going down right now, like the fact that Trump is president again at and it's the beginning of a Hermit year. Like that feels like a really big message to me about like where our liberation has to start.
Ava: Yeah. No. Yeah, definitely. I've been thinking a lot about the same thing because I think.
Yeah, I think, like, we both kind of touched on it, but it's just, it's so easy to, like, place the reason why bad things happen onto something outside of us. Something, like, way out there, and, like, there's just, like, bad things that are gonna occur. And it's much harder to look at the times in which we need to decolonize our own mindset and think, like, how I was saying with the Judgment, like, it's, it's such a colonial mindset to think that one person can have the best decision over anything, like, or, or that one person is right, one person is wrong. And that one person knows all, and that requires, that's something, you know, I have to work on actively in order to deconstruct that, like, repeating patterns of, like, oppression outwardly.
Because I don't think it's, it's always something intentional. And I think that's something that like an illusion that we've kind of all as a collective taken on is like, we, we believe that there's just something. Like, some people just do bad things, and it's like, you know, there's like little things that build up on top of each other, or, or mindsets that we've been taught our whole life that we didn't realize they're like the ways that we are acting and treating each other.
Like, a lot of people who support people who actively harm our communities just have never felt like seen before, and it's like, how often are you… you know, obviously to, this is a, a message to people who have like space for emotional labor, like white people, cis people, straight people, also white people who aren't cis and straight. But like, when have you talked to somebody who maybe does support people who are like anti-trans legislation, you know or anti-trans people. I don't know if that felt like a double negative, but when have you tried to talk to them and to like listen to them rather than just immediately be like, oh, you're one of those stupid bad people who doesn't know anything.
Like, I know that I have family members, and most Americans do, who just, like, follow blindly a mindset because it's the only person that made them feel seen. And how can we make each other feel seen, rather than pushing each other away? Even though that's really hard to do. It can be harmful. So, like, take care of yourself.
Obviously, don't put yourself in harm's way. But, like, where can we meet that comfortable edge? and not expect something outside of us to do that for us.
Jasper: I think maybe if we can just like take this moment to pause and breathe because we're talking about some heavy stuff that we're all really anxious about.
So I can just invite people to say, may I be happy, may I be safe, may I feel loved, may I have all I need on this path, may I be free? And then may you be happy, may you be safe, may you feel loved, may you have all you need on this path, may you be free. May we be happy, may we be safe, may we feel loved, may we have all we need on this path, may we be free.
Ava: Yeah, I feel like having those, those, like, flotation devices of hope around you in times of despair are kind of needed to not get sucked down into that spiral.
Jasper: Ah, flotation devices. It's a life jacket, right? Like, yeah. Yeah. A really good point. Yeah. Are there any other things you want to say about… Yeah, like themes of activism or hope or solidarity, community tending when it comes to a Hermit year.
Ava: You read something about how in a Hermit year we should think about the folks who don't have a place who can, they can retreat to safely necessarily. So people who are houseless or perhaps immigrating or, or just not have, don't have a safe home life or don't feel seen or, or aren't, like, isn't safe to be themselves fully at home.
And to like, you know, think about what a blessing it is to have that space, if we do have it. And I think that that's like, you know, when I talk about the privilege we have to be able to, to, like, me as a white person with a family that accepts my platform to have discussions that, that might be hard, but that can alter something from a smaller, you know, like from an easier or from the most… connected to me.
So just thinking about where you can use your privilege, like, where you have, like, I was talking to a friend yesterday about how it's so easy to get burnt out in activist spaces. And oftentimes places that are, like, centered in activism, like, they were talking about their experience living in a squat and they're saying, like, everyone there is burnt out and they want to do all these like direct action, but they are constantly exhausted and so it's like they can't even take care of themselves.
And so it recognizing the privilege of being a well rested person for one, or like whatever privileges you think that you might have to create those nodes of connection and to create like minor changes. Along with acting towards bigger changes, I think is a huge thing that The Hermit kind of stands for. Like the ability to look inward is not something that a lot of people have. And I do think it's like, that's something that creates activists. Like, if you look inward and you realize… like, that you hurt, you know, because I think it requires. I was thinking about this the other day with like queerness requires a lot of, like, self examination to understand that you don't feel the same as every, like, as, as society tells you you're supposed to feel.
And so we have this kind of leverage point of, like, okay, I have this ability to, like, look within and, and notice the differences and actively make changes where I'm seeing harm be done. Because oftentimes people who uphold bigotry are never looking inward and are so afraid to. And are so afraid to, like, love outside of what they're told is safe, you know, like sometimes it's, it's a choice of safety in that it's not even recognized.
And so much more targeted so often because we're physical symbols saying that we don't have to listen to rules. And like, we're not following rules. That means that we're not safe and are not easily controlled, which means that we can't just be forced into just being bodies to work so that somebody else can live a lavish lifestyle with ten houses and two yachts.
You know, it's a disruption to capitalism inherently. And I think that's what The Hermit as an archetype represents. They, they left society to go and find themselves. And like, traditionally, that was a like a religious choice, and like, which is why I think it was accepted in a lot of ways. So like reclaiming The Hermit as a, as a queer symbol is like, it's a lot, it's a lot more, you know, anarchist. It's a lot more radical to leave the herd to understand one's self.
Jasper: Yes. Mhm. Mhm.
Yeah, we should, we should do an episode sometime about witchcraft, queerness, and anarchy. And yeah, because like one of my beliefs as an anarchist is that like… Hierarchical structure of power. The person at the very top suffers and becomes sick from it as much as the person at the bottom suffers and becomes sick from it. Sick from it.
Ava: Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Because yeah, when you're, when you're saying that like you're in a hierarchical system, like what that translates to is that power is gained and taken. It is not something that's inherent to each being.
Jasper: The same with like this belief that The Star is an external thing you have to achieve, right?
Like one of the old school definition of magic is changing your consciousness at will, and that's what we're talking about right here.
I do want to say though, that when it comes to looking inwards and recognizing that The Star is within you, you cannot go from zero to one hundred. Like, you can't. It's, it's not like flipping a light switch because because in there as well is all of the hurt, pain, trauma that we are suppressing just as much as like the belief within ourselves, you know, so like going back to like my own personal life for a second. Now that I am like a couple months out from liberating myself from this rock bottom relationship, if I try to talk about specifics of what happened, I immediately go into a very deep trauma triggered state. So one of my goals with one of my therapists right now is that we begin our session with me trying to create a timeline of what happened.
So say like the first, the first session, I try to create a timeline for four minutes. And then we spend the rest of the time practicing different tools to regulate my nervous system. And I bring that up because I think that's what we have to do as a collection, as a collective.
Like, we can't, we can't just flip that light switch because we don't have experience using the tools necessary to look inward with compassion, you know? Because the first things that are gonna want our attention is all of that trauma we've been suppressing. And our nervous systems are gonna freak the fuck out, and that doesn't help anyone either.
Ava: Two things that came up for me when you were saying that my own, like, journey with unmasking and realizing, like, how much social interaction I can actually handle and, like, having to set boundaries with that.
Like, I've been trying to, like, actively seeking out connections more and community more, and also, since that's something that I hadn't done unmasking, that's, like, in terms of autism, not mask on your face. It's very confusing to use the same word, but oh, yeah, since socializing unmasked is new to me. It's like becomes a lot more exhausting. And so while I have to actively socialize, I also have to actively take rest days. And I felt that it's exactly what that energy is like, like, you can't just do one or the other. Maybe that's how your energy works. I don't know. But from my perspective, my experience, it's like, you do, you're doing a little out of time, you know, you're testing this, you're stepping out, you're testing this, you're stepping out.
And eventually you'll have more of a capacity to, like, hold that timeline, for example, in your experience and to, like, witness it fully. And another thing that reminded me of was a conversation I had with a friend recently about recalling parts of yourself that you've, like, claimed to be dead.
I don't, like, we both, both of us have had this in our, me and the friend I was talking to. Had had this experience at some point in their life where we're just like that part of me. Mhm didn't like that whole thing, they just don't exist anymore and they're like like genuinely like had a point just like visualizing that version of me dying and I didn't realize that was like a common occurrence, but apparently it is and we were talking about, like, allowing that version of yourself to live again.
Even though they weren't a version of yourself that was experiencing something necessarily beautiful, or, like, showing up the way that you want to show up, and, like, allowing them to exist within you, it's, like, you realize, like, how much you fragmented yourself. And it requires a lot of, like, space and compassion, because it hurts, and I, like, I think that, yeah, like, part of, part of The Hermit is acknowledging that our internal processes, like, processing trauma and processing, like, recalibrating and reconnecting our past versions of ourselves is exhausting and takes a lot of energy. And I do think there's, as, even though we're growing and changing and it's very different in the queer community than it is, like, societally, it's like, we still don't see emotional processing as something that is worthy of our time and energy or that, like, requires a lot of time and energy.
Like, I think all the time of like how we as a collective have, we have not processed the trauma of going through a global pandemic and like currently being at one still. And like, we're all pretty traumatized from that, one way or another. And we kind of were just like, that happens, like, okay, we're fine, you know.
And I think with current administration still, too, it's like, obviously, as trans people, we're doing a good job of like, holding space for each other and checking in with each other. But it's so much easier to be like, this guy's stupid. What are they saying? Then to be like, oh, no, this hurts and I'm scared. And I need space to be hurt and scared. And like be grateful for the privilege to have the space to be hurt and scared.
Jasper: Yes, and that is another tie to The Hermit and The Star because The Star is a card of rest. And it shows up in the middle of a very tumultuous time within the major arcana. So like needing time, needing that time, needing that pause. Yeah, we, otherwise you burn out, right? Like, so it's like our source of our healing, our source of liberation, our source of having enough energy to not burn out and continue this work.
It It's all about The Hermit. You mentioned Maria Minnis and I think this would be a good time to do an ad break for her and then kind of move on to other things for our podcast. But I want to read so the book is Tarot for the Hard Work and each, each section about each card has something called building a toolkit.
And I just kind of wanted to read that. So for The Hermit, you had mentioned that about? Shoot, I forget.
Ava: Oh like looking out for houseless folks that don't have a space to return to.
Jasper: Protect unhoused people. In search of enlightenment, The Hermit retreats to a safe space. This place must feel secure. Exposure to outside elements may hinder the pursuit of self actualization. The importance of protection is widely apparent in our society. Manifesting, manifesting, manifesting informs, trans-infesting informs, let's use that word, such as houselessness. Learn the realities of your community's unhoused people and plan ways that you will help protect them. And then there's action points: Describe to you, describe your own or a loved one's experience of houselessness. What are the racial statistics on houselessness in your city? How does race intersect with houselessness? And what are ten ways that you will support your community's unhoused people in the next six months?
Maria Minnis: Hi, I'm Maria Minnis, author of ‘Tarot for the Hard Work.’ I wrote this book because tarot has always been a powerful guide for introspection and inner work. So, what better tool to use when we're ready to do the really hard work? I provide actionable exercises in this tarot workbook, giving you a unique, personal understanding of what systemic racism is and what steps we can take to begin to dismantle it.
This is a book for anyone who has been overwhelmed, outraged, or frustrated and asked, but what can I do? When you buy my book through Queer Conjure's affiliate link, you support my biggest spell with the intention of creating a more equitable and loving world. Plus, you support an independent bookstore and this awesome podcast.
Bye!
Jasper: Here at Queer Conjure we strive to build community with other organizations in alignment with our liberation focused values. Firestorm Books is a queer, feminist, collectively owned radical bookstore that features books and events tailored to the interests and needs of marginalized communities. When you buy books from Firestorm using the referral code Queer Conjure you contribute 10 percent of your purchase to Queer Conjure's work and you get 10 percent off your order at checkout.
Click the link in our show notes to browse our recommended reading list and make sure to add ‘Tarot for the Hard Work’ by my dear friend, Maria Minnis, to your cart. You can thank me later.
Jasper: I wonder if you want to talk a little bit about this relationship that you've been making with someone in Palestine.
Ava: Yeah, Batool. Yeah, Batool's cool. She's 17. She has one brother and three sisters. They're all younger than her. Her dad is recovering from like a really serious leg injury from the occupation force. And she wants to be a doctor, and so she spends a lot of her time studying. So a lot of the funds that I'm helping her raise for her and her family are going towards feeding her family things that are like fresh fruits and vegetables and helping her get supplies for her and her siblings to study.
Yeah, it's been really cool to be able to, like, talk with somebody on the ground and what I've learned from her and from other folks is, is that a lot of the places people are donating to, like, that aid isn't really reaching people. I think that's changed slightly since the ceasefire, like, some aid has been able to get in, but the majority of people aren't, like receiving direct care from those, the, those nonprofits and those nonprofits keep a portion of the funds.
So donating directly to a family is like one of the best ways to support people in Gaza. Yeah. And just like, also, if you're able to chat with somebody in Gaza and like, it, it really helps you or it's helped me like ground the actions that I'm doing into reality, cause it often feels really like disconnected to just be like, you know, marching and hoping and donating and not really being able to see directly, like, how you're impacting and just seeing more and more pain. It makes you feel kind of discouraged.
But talk to somebody directly and, you know, know that I, like, you can feed somebody directly and also just be a friend and like, just be people with, like, wants and beliefs like she's recently been practicing her singing like learning that she has a really good like talented singing voice and like talking about how she loves Billie Eilish and was like it just furthers the importance of understanding how like, we're all one people, you know. And I think that it's really easy for a lot of folks who aren't actively pursuing change, liberation and decolonization.
It's really easy for people to be like, oh, bad things just happen, and they quote unquote overseas, you know, like… a lot of Islamic countries get that like Islamophobia because of that belief. And I think that you shouldn't need to talk to somebody directly in Palestine to, like, see them as a person. And I do think, like, if you have a family member, perhaps. If you have a family member, you know, in your direct vicinity that you, you're in contact with, for example, who has that kind of belief, it's something to be able to talk to them about a specific person you're friends with, you know and it helps people care. It sucks because it's like it's, I hate that you have to convince people to care. And also it's a reality a lot of the times. But yeah, we'll link her. donation page or chuffed page to this. And you can follow her on Instagram. Batool, B-A-T-O-O-L dot Eid. E-I-D dot two. Yeah.
Jasper: Will you talk a little bit about how you first made a connection with her? Like how did you go about that?
Ava: Yeah. I joined my local free Palestine group for a few protests and helped organize a few things and met somebody through there who worked with a specific organization, a specific nonprofit in Gaza before October 7th, 2023. And so they were able to connect me with somebody in particular because they said in the group, you know, like, best way to help people is to connect with somebody specific. And so I was like, oh, please connect me. And they did. So I recommend connecting, going to your local organization and group. Because I don't think that this person would will be able to help the world connect to everybody. But I'm sure that you could find somebody in local organizational groups who can connect you to somebody.
There used to be a helpful organization, Operation Olive Branch, but recently they've been reporting some of the activist volunteers to the FBI. So, unfortunately we cannot support them anymore.
I do think that their website still might be up though and you could still connect to a family with them. Like through, like, find the family's contact information directly on their website. But I wouldn't, like, contact people in Operation Olive Branch. I would just contact directly the, the family members. Yeah, I think that's the thing that I'm realizing. And a lot of people have known for a while it that sucks about non profits is that oftentimes they're just ways like, you know, like capitalism really, really creates an opportunity for, like just, just.
When you realize that you can make more money off of people by being harmful than by being good hearted, it encourages you to be a harmful person. And so, yeah, it's frustrating. But, I know, also engage in trade groups in your communities and grow your food and take care of your community members without needing to pay for it.
Like, I don't know, it's another actionable cause. Bring sandwiches to somebody who's in your neighborhood, who's houseless, you know?
Jasper: Yeah, exactly. You said this thing about how this is important to find individual families to raise funds and give support to because the money from the nonprofits aren't actually always reaching those in need. So like you know, money is a way to create change in the world. That's just the way it is. We accept that. So like, the way we send money to individuals is really important. And also, the way we stop spending our money in certain ways is really important.
We're not an affiliate. in any way with the app I'm about to talk about. I, and like, I just really happen to like it and if anybody has like want to be like, actually, this is problematic because X, Y, Z, you can just like, let us know. And I'll take that into account.
But there is an app called Boy Cat. So B O Y C A T. That was created by someone in the boycott divest sanction movement. And it's so cool. It was so like, you're in the grocery store and you open the app and you scan a product and it'll be like, congratulations, this product is in compliance with all of your things. It'll tell you, actually this is a level one, or actually this is a level two, or actually this is a top priority of boycott. Ah, it's so cool. And you can also like, use the search bar.
So like I wanted to know, and I put LaCroix in there. LaCroix got a congratulations. It's in compliance. So like, it tells you specifically how different products and companies, either are attached to Israel funding the war, like it will give you facts about why. And they also just very recently added cam information like that for the Congo.
So like this little like cute gamified app and it's It's cute because like, say something comes up as a level three or a priority to boycott the cat above looks really fucking mad, you know, and when you get a congratulations, the cat is like, yeah.
So I just think it's so genius and it's set it created because it's so fucking hard to figure out where your money goes. I'm so grateful for this app, I think it's brilliant. It makes things so easy to spend my money in a way that's in alignment with my value.
Ava: Yeah, that's so great. It's a great plug. I, I use a similar app called NO. The logo is like bright green with the word NO on it. I think it's such a helpful tool to have because, you know, in an ideal world you could just buy directly from producers. But that's not accessible for everyone, especially people who have physical disabilities that require them to get their ingredients shipped to them. You can't always buy from a farmer's market and do that, for example.
So being able to, like, search specific brands that, you know, you usually get from the grocery store that you, you know, attend is like, super helpful. It's super great. Yeah, that's awesome.
Jasper: This all has to do with, like, the, the year of The Hermit as well, looking inwards and, like, seeing what, what capacity do you have to be part of the change? And Maria Minnis is talking about houselessness. So if you have resources, I suggest creating care packages that you keep in your car.
So like you could have a giant ziploc bag or you know something not plastic, if you have that ability, where you have socks, deodorant, bottles of water, cash, hand warmers, depending on the weather. When you're driving through town and you see somebody, and like, instead of just like pretending you don't see that person with the cardboard sign and like trying not to make eye contact. You have that package ready to go and you could just like hand it over and yeah, that creates that one on one connection you're talking about like.
And that's important for me, again, as a lover, is it's like one on one connections is how I learn about the world. I have a history of houselessness. I was houseless at the age of 17. I was houseless again at mid twenties somewhere and I'm 41 now, only once during those times did I have to live in my car. I've never slept on the street. I've never had to sleep in a shelter.
I want to recognize that even though I didn't have a stable home, I've always had privilege that other people do not have. We have to start remembering that people, every, everyone, everywhere, every sentient being has innate dignity.
Ava: We all deserve to be treated kindly and have comfort.
Yeah, I think, like, what you just said about, like, like, the stereotypes about people who are houseless. People don't want to, don't want to give people cash specifically because of that.
Yeah, this is obviously like stereotypes that come from like a capitalist mindset of like, and like a white supremacist mindset that is that. And like, oh, you should be able to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, work harder. Not taking into account how, you know, in, in Maria Minnis's book, she said, paying attention to the proportion of folks of what racial demographic makes up what proportion of folks are houseless near you.
And like, oftentimes the majority of people are black indigenous people of color because of our oppressive systems that have been set up to not allow folks to, like, create wealth and to be able to sustain themselves and like, or work for up until, you know, relatively recently, historically. And I think also something that you said was talking about, like, the mental health of folks who are unhoused.
There's somebody, I believe her name is Joan. She is the founder of Twelve Baskets in Asheville, North Carolina, and I, she came in when I was in university, she came and visited our class and was talking, she was, it's a class on, like, class power and inequality shout out Dr. Underhill. And she was talking to us about the fact that a lot of times when you're having a mental health crisis, and like, this is something that one of the previous times we tried to record, but it glitched and didn't work it's like, you have the privilege to have that in your home.
And It was something that, like, you know, I'm somebody who, like, has meltdowns at times, and realizing, like, the, the social stigma of, like, having your meltdowns in a contained place so that nobody else has to look at it. It's really bizarre, but, you know, like, I have the privilege to have a home and, like, it just so happens often times those events do happen in my house because I'm here, and I can be here but if you have nowhere to go that's private, right? The likelihood of having a mental health crisis or just a bad day, or just like, you know, maybe you like stubbed your toe, like reacting to it outdoors is gonna be much more likely if you're living outdoors.
So just being aware of like where our, our, like social stigmas come from and who made them for what reason and why we're taught to believe certain things. It's like a great tool for building your muscle of compassion.
Jasper: Yes. I have so much I want to say, but before your, before your phone dies, is there any housekeeping announcements that you want to make to our listeners?
Ava: Subscribe to us on Substack, follow our notes, I'm so active on notes, and I'm just saying silly stuff these days. It's just cause I'm having fun. And I've been loving connecting with you all, if you are a subscriber listening, hello. You are so fun, and really smart, and so interesting to talk to I've been really loving Substack as a platform. Because of the, like, encouragement to actually engage in information and read it and, like, share and discuss our ideas.
Like, I don't know, the comment section is so beautiful and interesting. So, like, if you don't care to look at our posts, cool, but please look at the comment section because everybody is so cool.
Jasper: But also, you should go look at our post, Ava has been writing amazing, amazing things. There's, there's short story fiction, there's these like very divine oracles, there's like, yeah, very tender things that you are writing there that I love so much.
I really appreciate your labor of love within that and to be a paid subscriber, it's only $5 a month, and I suggest that you go do that because we're going we're going to start very soon uploading videos and workbook material, so like, if you are a paid subscriber to our Substack, you will get all of our tarot courses.
So stay tuned for that.
Ava: Also, if you're listening to this and you're like, dang, it'd be so cool to see their beautiful little faces and see the cute little hats that they're wearing.
Jasper: We do have cute hats!
Ava: We have cute hats! We are gonna just try to start releasing the unedited full video on our paid Substack as well.
Jasper: All right. All right, Ava. I love you. Thanks for making another episode with me. Bye.
[Music]: Don't fear the mystery. Don't fear the mystery. Don't fear the mystery. Don't fear the mystery. Mystery. Mystery.
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